Effective Counseling

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Counseling is a two way street and is a co-operative effort between the one being counseled and the counselor. Making difficult changes in thinking patterns and behavior requires commitment from both parties.

Setting up the goals early and clearly defining ways to measure the improvement are essential if one is to get the most out of counseling. Establishing a good rapport with the counselor, gaining mutual trust and having confidence in your counselor makes it easy for you to be completely honest and open about your feelings and thoughts. If the above are missing even after a few sessions, it is best advised to seek a new counselor with whom you feel more comfortable.

Client-Counselor relationship is the most important factor determining the end results of counseling. So how do you know if your counseling is effective?

Although you are responsible for making behavioral changes, a good counselor will help you identify the obstacles, causes and underlying reasons that are contributing to your anxiety, depression, anger or any other negative thinking patterns. Over time you should be able to observe changes in how you react to situations and changes in your thinking patterns. If these positive influences seem elusive you must discuss it with your counselor, who’ll advise you on how to recognize the roadblocks impeding your progress and how to address them.

Effective counseling is a collaborative effort and the more you are comfortable with each other, more are the chances of you getting all the positives out of it.

CBT and Mindfulness

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CBT and Mindfulness are increasingly being used in conjunction. Below are some links that you’ll find useful regarding Mindfulness based Cognitive Therapy.

1. Mindfulness CBT as Effective as Antidepressants in Preventing Depression Relapse
2. Mindfulness Therapy Beats Drugs in Preventing Depression Relapse.
3. Slide – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness in Addiction Treatment
4. Cognitive behavioural therapy for primary insomnia
5. Mindfulness meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia.
6. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for People with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Still Experiencing Excessive Fatigue after Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

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CBT is a therapeutic approach that emphasizes the important role of our thoughts in how we feel and what we do. Primarily developed by merging Cognitive Therapy and Behavior Therapy, CBT is highly effective in treatment of many problems including mood disorders, anxiety, personality, eating, substance abuse, psychotic disorders, insomnia etc. CBT is used for individual therapy as well as group sessions and the techniques can be adapted for self help applications.

Common techniques include
1. Keeping a log of significant events and associated feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
2. Questioning and testing unrealistic and unhelpful cognitions, assumptions, evaluations and beliefs.
3. Testing new ways of behaving and reacting.
4. Practicing relaxation techniques like Meditation, Mindfulness and Breathing Exercises

CBT teaches people to analyze how negative thoughts may be contributing to their anxieties. The basis of CBT is the idea that our thoughts are the cause of our feelings and behaviors, not external factors, like people, situations, and events. The benefit of this fact is that even if the situations do not change we can learn to change the way we think and react.

Why do we get Angry?

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Over nothing? No.

Mostly, our anger is caused by – our thoughts, cognitive distortions, things not being in our control, excessive stress, unrealistic expectations and disappointments – both professionally and personally.

Anger can appear irrational but learning to look below the surface can reveal the cause. Identifying the cause is first step towards dealing with anger. Broadly the causes of anger can be categorized in two ways, (a) an irrational perception of reality (cognitive distortion) – where things must be done your way and (b) a low frustration point.

When angry a person experiences high physiological arousal. The pulse quickens, respiration increases, pupils of eyes constrict and adrenal glands pump out hormones. The negative effects of Anger however have more to do with the duration than frequency and intensity. Bearing resentment for a long time can cause more harm than a short burst of anger. Consistent long periods of anger greatly increase susceptibility to a host of diseases like ulcers, heart diseases and anxiety disorders.

Bottom line: We can all get frustrated and angry at times. The point is not to let it get the

Anger and your Heart

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A study of 1300 men with average age 62 revealed that those with excessive anger are 3 times more likely to develop heart disease than the rest. Another research done at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine tracked 1,055 medical students for 36 years. The hotheads were found to be 6 times more likely to suffer heart attacks by age 55 than the cooler heads and 3 times more likely to develop any form of heart or blood vessel disease.

One study, published in 1995, found that, during two hours after an angry outburst, a individual’s risk of having a heart attack was more than twice that of someone who had not lost their cool. Out of 1,623 people in that study, 501 were women.

The above studies clearly demonstrate a correlation between excessive ire and susceptibility to heart disease.

What can you do to prevent this??

Well the good news is that there’s plenty you can do. Here is something to start with

1. Control your emotions.
2. Recognize things that irritate and anger you.
3. Practice stress management and anger management techniques.
4. Exercise. Eat well.

The best solution is to develop a longer fuse and not get angry in the first place. If that is not possible, recognize your anger and the situations that make you angry. Try to resolve them in a positive way. If things are not in your control, accept them and learn to take it in your stride.

What can you do to prevent this??

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Well the good news is that there’s plenty you can do. Here is something to start with

1. Control your emotions.
2. Recognize things that irritate and anger you.
3. Practice stress management and anger management techniques.
4. Exercise. Eat well.

The best solution is to develop a longer fuse and not get angry in the first place. If that is not possible, recognize your anger and the situations that make you angry. Try to resolve them in a positive way. If things are not in your control, accept them and learn to take it in your stride.

Stressbusters

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One doesn’t need elaborate therapy and costly sessions to get relief from stress. A few lifestyle changes can go a long way in helping you lead a stress free and anxiety free life.

1. Eat right.
2. Make time for a little exercise.
3. Utilize relaxation techniques viz yoga, breathing, meditation.
4. Take out time for yourself.
5. Spend time on your hobby.
6. Introspect.
7. Make out time for your family and near ones.
8. Set realistic goals.

Stress is not what happens to us. It’s our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose. – Maureen Killoran

Various Manifestation of Anger

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Anger, just like other emotions needs a way to get out of our system. If not dealt with constructively it can manifest itself in a host of avatars. Below are some that most of us have witnessed from close quarters.

1. Road Rage
2. Spouse Beating/Failed Marriages
3. Drug Addiction
4. Low Self Esteem
5. Eating Disorders
6. Depression
7. Suicidal Tendencies
8. Anger at Workplace
9. Child Abuse

Our society will afford us many more chances to witness the above. Let’s attack the root cause not the external symptoms.

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.– Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Mindfulness of Breathing

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The main focus in Mindful Meditation is breathing and concentrating on your breath as it enters and exits your body. The objective is a non judging calm awareness that allows the thoughts and feelings to come and go.

For those of you who’d like to experience it first hand, try the below for a few days. You’ll start observing the positive effects within a week.

1. Sit with your legs crossed and a straight spine.
2. Breathe in and out at a comfortable pace without holding the breath.
3. Concentrate on your breathing. Try to feel the air as you inhale and exhale.
4. Let the thoughts, emotions and external disturbances occur. Give them the space to come and go without getting involved.
5. When the mind wanders, make note of it and try to gently get your concentration back to your breathing.
6. Start with a 10 minute daily session and work your way up.

It is natural for your mind to drift away and get caught up in thoughts. There’s plenty in the world to think about and our minds are highly prone to distraction. Slowly get your attention back to your breathing whenever you realize your mind is getting distracted. Mindfulness teaches mind to be aware of itself and and gives us control over our thoughts.

As the saying goes “I think therefore I am”. Our thoughts shape us and our world.

Be Mindful, Be Aware.

Angry? Need Help?

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Getting angry often? Do trivial things push you off the edge? Do you regret what you did when you were angry? Is your anger affecting your life and of those around you?

A “yes” to any of the above questions is a sign that you may need professional help. Like any other ailment, too much anger adversely affects us and our close ones. And like any other ailment, seeking professional help can mitigate the negative effects and improve the quality of your life.

Too much anger is a disorder that can be cured with a little counselling and a little effort from your side. Anger is a sign to too much stress, anxiety and unresolved issues. These external factors that incite us must be dealt with but what one must realise is that any situation can be handled better with a calm mind than with an agitated one.

We all desire an anxiety free, stress free and anger free environment to work/live in. The idea is to do our part in making it one.

So if you need help with your anger – actively seek it. If someone you know needs it – assist them.