Effective Counseling

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Counseling is a two way street and is a co-operative effort between the one being counseled and the counselor. Making difficult changes in thinking patterns and behavior requires commitment from both parties.

Setting up the goals early and clearly defining ways to measure the improvement are essential if one is to get the most out of counseling. Establishing a good rapport with the counselor, gaining mutual trust and having confidence in your counselor makes it easy for you to be completely honest and open about your feelings and thoughts. If the above are missing even after a few sessions, it is best advised to seek a new counselor with whom you feel more comfortable.

Client-Counselor relationship is the most important factor determining the end results of counseling. So how do you know if your counseling is effective?

Although you are responsible for making behavioral changes, a good counselor will help you identify the obstacles, causes and underlying reasons that are contributing to your anxiety, depression, anger or any other negative thinking patterns. Over time you should be able to observe changes in how you react to situations and changes in your thinking patterns. If these positive influences seem elusive you must discuss it with your counselor, who’ll advise you on how to recognize the roadblocks impeding your progress and how to address them.

Effective counseling is a collaborative effort and the more you are comfortable with each other, more are the chances of you getting all the positives out of it.

Why do we get Angry?

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Over nothing? No.

Mostly, our anger is caused by – our thoughts, cognitive distortions, things not being in our control, excessive stress, unrealistic expectations and disappointments – both professionally and personally.

Anger can appear irrational but learning to look below the surface can reveal the cause. Identifying the cause is first step towards dealing with anger. Broadly the causes of anger can be categorized in two ways, (a) an irrational perception of reality (cognitive distortion) – where things must be done your way and (b) a low frustration point.

When angry a person experiences high physiological arousal. The pulse quickens, respiration increases, pupils of eyes constrict and adrenal glands pump out hormones. The negative effects of Anger however have more to do with the duration than frequency and intensity. Bearing resentment for a long time can cause more harm than a short burst of anger. Consistent long periods of anger greatly increase susceptibility to a host of diseases like ulcers, heart diseases and anxiety disorders.

Bottom line: We can all get frustrated and angry at times. The point is not to let it get the

Anger and your Heart

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A study of 1300 men with average age 62 revealed that those with excessive anger are 3 times more likely to develop heart disease than the rest. Another research done at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine tracked 1,055 medical students for 36 years. The hotheads were found to be 6 times more likely to suffer heart attacks by age 55 than the cooler heads and 3 times more likely to develop any form of heart or blood vessel disease.

One study, published in 1995, found that, during two hours after an angry outburst, a individual’s risk of having a heart attack was more than twice that of someone who had not lost their cool. Out of 1,623 people in that study, 501 were women.

The above studies clearly demonstrate a correlation between excessive ire and susceptibility to heart disease.

What can you do to prevent this??

Well the good news is that there’s plenty you can do. Here is something to start with

1. Control your emotions.
2. Recognize things that irritate and anger you.
3. Practice stress management and anger management techniques.
4. Exercise. Eat well.

The best solution is to develop a longer fuse and not get angry in the first place. If that is not possible, recognize your anger and the situations that make you angry. Try to resolve them in a positive way. If things are not in your control, accept them and learn to take it in your stride.

What can you do to prevent this??

By

Well the good news is that there’s plenty you can do. Here is something to start with

1. Control your emotions.
2. Recognize things that irritate and anger you.
3. Practice stress management and anger management techniques.
4. Exercise. Eat well.

The best solution is to develop a longer fuse and not get angry in the first place. If that is not possible, recognize your anger and the situations that make you angry. Try to resolve them in a positive way. If things are not in your control, accept them and learn to take it in your stride.

Various Manifestation of Anger

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Anger, just like other emotions needs a way to get out of our system. If not dealt with constructively it can manifest itself in a host of avatars. Below are some that most of us have witnessed from close quarters.

1. Road Rage
2. Spouse Beating/Failed Marriages
3. Drug Addiction
4. Low Self Esteem
5. Eating Disorders
6. Depression
7. Suicidal Tendencies
8. Anger at Workplace
9. Child Abuse

Our society will afford us many more chances to witness the above. Let’s attack the root cause not the external symptoms.

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.– Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Angry? Need Help?

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Getting angry often? Do trivial things push you off the edge? Do you regret what you did when you were angry? Is your anger affecting your life and of those around you?

A “yes” to any of the above questions is a sign that you may need professional help. Like any other ailment, too much anger adversely affects us and our close ones. And like any other ailment, seeking professional help can mitigate the negative effects and improve the quality of your life.

Too much anger is a disorder that can be cured with a little counselling and a little effort from your side. Anger is a sign to too much stress, anxiety and unresolved issues. These external factors that incite us must be dealt with but what one must realise is that any situation can be handled better with a calm mind than with an agitated one.

We all desire an anxiety free, stress free and anger free environment to work/live in. The idea is to do our part in making it one.

So if you need help with your anger – actively seek it. If someone you know needs it – assist them.

Mindfulness (Awareness)

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 Mindfulness (Sanskrit: smṛti स्मृति), a practice of Buddhist tradition has made its presence felt in Western Psychology. Many people are drawing benefit from it and believe it is a good way to keep the mind stress free and calm. The philosophy has wide reference in all Eastern Religions and is still widely prevalent. The west is however yet to fully realize the benefits of Mindfulness.

It essentially consists of self control techniques and routines like watching your breath.

Conditions like anxiety, OCD, drug addiction and depressions are being successfully treated using Mindfulness techniques with a very low relapse rate. What works the most in its favor however is the simple implementation and low cost factor. It is as much a cure as it is a prevention. Hard to think of anybody who might not benefit from Mindfulness.

Controlling Anger

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Learning to control our anger is a much needed skill in the high pressure work environments of today. It makes for more harmonious and constructive atmosphere at work, resulting in more job satisfaction and better productivity. Although we cannot control the external factors that trigger our anger we certainly have a say in how we react to them. Below are some simple techniques that are helpful in anger management.

  • Identify the reasons for your anger and the underlying causes. Try to isolate the source(s) of your anger and address it. One at a time.
  • If you feel you are getting angry, remove yourself from the setting for while. Attend to the matter when you are calm.
  • Pick up a physical activity, letting out your stress somewhere else keeps you from pouring it out on people around you.
  • Practice breathing techniques, yoga has proven widely effective for anger management.
  • If your anger is out of control, seek help immediately. Talk to your friends or see a professional.

We must also recognize that there are times when anger is justified and needs to come out. The idea is to control it, divert it productively and not to let it get better of you.

Anger Management

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Anger is a normal response to something that is threatening to us. How we manage it determines its effect on us and those around us – positive to catastrophic. Mismanaged anger shows itself in many forms. Road rage, domestic abuse, workplace violence and self abuse to name a few. It is also the major cause of conflict in our personal and professional relationships.

Anger management can help you reduce your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can’t get rid or change the things or people that enrage you but you can certainly control your reactions. At AME we have more than 15 yrs of experience in helping individuals and organizations effectively cope with anger and related issues.